יִ֥הְיֽוּ־לְרָצ֨וֹן אִמְרֵי־פִ֡י וְהֶגְי֣וֹן לִבִּ֣י לְפָנֶ֑י יְ֝הֹוָ֗ה צוּרִ֥י וְגֹאֲלִֽי׃
May the words of my mouth and the prayer of my heart be acceptable to You,
O God, my rock and my redeemer.
Here it is, another new year; have you all made your list of resolutions in anticipation? In the words of Dr Phil, “How’s that working for you?” It’s only the 4th day and I’ve already come up with excuses for not doing at least
two things on my list!
Last Shabbat, we finished Breshit (the book of Genesis) When we finish a book of Torah, we say, חזק חזק ונית חזק 'chazak, chazak, v'nit chazeik'. Be strong, be strong, and together we will be strengthened. This Shabbat we begin Sh’mot (Exodus) for which we definitely need strength; it contains the epic story of the enslavement of the Israelites, their rescue, the giving of Torah at Mt Sinai, and the building of the Mishkan, (portable tabernacle). It would make a great movie!
In this week’s parasha, the Israelites are enslaved for 400 years. Moses is born, rescued, grows up, saves a Hebrew slave and then runs away. He gets married, has a son, and starts on the mission that will last the rest of his life, that of rescuing the Israelites and leading them to the Promised Land. He is out tending his father-in-law’s sheep when he sees a bush engulfed in flames, but it is not consumed. He approaches and hears God calling his name; it’s his first encounter with God; at the first call, he doesn’t say anything. I suppose it’s a bit disconcerting to hear your name coming out of a flame. On the second call he answers, הינני “here I am”.
God tells him to take his shoes off; this is holy ground God says to him, just like when Jacob wrestled with the angel. And then God tells him what the job is; Moses asks God, “What’s Your name? Who should I say sent me?”
God’s reply אהיה אשר אהיה sends us right down the rabbit hole; as in your reading today, it’s frequently translated as “I am what I am”, but in Hebrew, ehyeh, based upon the verb root havah, “to be”, is actually the conjugated form in the future first person singular: “I will be.” Asher is a Hebrew participle that links related words and phrases with each other, and means: “such as,” or “that which.” Put together as ehyeh asher ehyeh, these words have multiple possible interpretations that many have written about over the millennia. So let’s all take the leap into the hole and touch on a few…the tip of the iceberg.
In The Guide for the Perplexed, Maimonides writes: “‘I WILL BE THAT WHICH I WILL BE. I will be with you in this sorrow, and I will be with you in other sorrows. Further, ’that the meaning of אהיה אשר אהיה is: “He is the existing Being which is the existing Being, that is to say, Whose existence is absolute. "Thus shall you say to the children of Israel: I WILL BE has sent me to you.’”
“Rabbi Yitzchak said that the Holy One, said to Moses: ‘I am He Who has been, Who is now, and Who will be in the future.’ This is why Eh’yeh is written here three times.” Since with respect to the Creator, past and future times are conceived completely in terms of the present, this signifies a Being Whose existence is absolute. Two words and I was really down the rabbit hole; so I took a walk and as I passed Roosevelt High School, I saw a stone on which is carved, “What I am to be I am now becoming”. Remarkable!
The text here really is brilliant. In choosing the future tense of “to be,” which is the only gender neutral tense in an otherwise gender specific language, the Torah allows the linguistic structure itself to transmit the message. God is absolute. In today's reading, we hear “the God of Isaac, the God of Abraham, the God of Jacob…”; why not just say “the God of Isaac, Abraham and Jacob”? Because each of us, in our own time, will come to know God in our own way.
All this commentary (and MUCH more) on this one sentence, this one word, spanning thousands of years comes down to what I think is at the core of Maimonides book and that is, that God is a Being of absolute existence, that has never been and never will be without existence, unfathomable and limitless, without beginning or end, and any name we assign is actually limiting or defining God; that cannot be because God is unlimited and undefinable. Even this kind of discussion imposes definitions and therefore, limits. The final letters יה form part of the tetragrammaton יהוה the unpronounceable name of God. God is beyond our ability to express with words, beyond our ability to truly comprehend. God just is.
The only thing that is clear about the name of God as presented here is that it is unclear. God is always evolving and each of us has a unique relationship with God that changes even moment to moment. Midrash Agadah asks: “And what is the meaning of I WILL BE THAT WHICH I WILL BE? ‘As you are with Me, so I am with you.’ It is God saying הינני to each of us in every moment in every way we are at every time.
There is tissue they sell at Trader Joe’s that is remarkable. If you haven’t seen it, look for it, because there is an important message printed on the box.
It says, "I'm there when you're feeling sick. Feel better, Tissue"
It says, "I'm there when you run out of toilet paper. You're welcome, Tissue"
It says, "I'm there when you're sad. Love, Tissue"
It says, "I'm there הינני when you need to pick up icky things. Kindly, Tissue”
What a great friend that is, someone who is there to take care of you when you don't feel good, like your Mom does, willing to wipe your nose, bring you blankets and tea, and hold you when you are sick. You need that for the flu; you really need it even more for the times you don't feel good and it's not because of the flu. That requires so much loving care that it can be hard to imagine anyone willing to do it....except maybe Mama for the flu and Tissue for everything else. Someone there for the smaller, everyday things like running out of toilet paper is good. Small things like an unexpected note to say 'hi', like getting a Hershey's Kiss because you were on my mind. All the little things add up to big things to show someone how important they really are to you, how much they really care.
Tissue is like that, unconditional, just there.
Wiping away the tears, holding you...Tissue is not so
good at the holding part.
An actual person is needed to do that when you are sad. Sometimes it seems there is no one..., so it's a good thing Tissue is there to do what it can. You can cry about anything with Tissue; not always so with people. Things important enough to make you cry are not always things that can safely be shared. Cats are really good for that; thank goodness for cats and Tissue.
Picking up icky things is something Tissue doesn't mind. It is a big help that way. We all have some icky things stored away in our hearts and in our minds that, on occasion, need a 'clean up'. Having a friend you can trust well enough to get out the boxes and open them is a blessing. It can be scary, and dangerous. The icky things sometimes aren't dead and you can get stung. It is good when Tissue can protect you from that. Tissue never judges or talks to anyone else, Tissue just takes care of it.
Tissue says הינני ; here I am. No excuses. But Moses faltered; when he heard what God wanted him to do, bring the Israelites out of Egypt, he hid his face; he made excuses. “I can’t, it’s been a hard week, a hard life, I’m not so good with words and no one would listen to me anyway. Find someone else.”
In that moment, Moses verbalizes all our fears; we fear that those who love us, care about us won’t understand us; we fear we don’t have the skills or resources to make a difference in the world; we fear that we will fail to do what’s expected of us.
Musar is a Jewish spiritual practice and ethical tradition focused on self-improvement, character development, and achieving holiness and closeness to God by cultivating inner virtues ( (מידות like patience, compassion, humility and generosity, (it’s Tissue!) Using spiritual exercises, text study, and meditation Musar can bring one's soul traits into balance. This is Moses’ challenge in this week’s portion to examine his humility ( אנבה ) and though he may not fully realize it yet, his patience, compassion and generosity will be tested too not to mention his leadership skills. Someone should get that man a box of tissue and a Hershey’s Kiss!
From a Musar perspective, humility is not making oneself low or little. Instead, it’s about knowing one’s place in the world, taking up the appropriate space and so, leaving room for others. Moses’ reluctance and excuses challenge us to think about what each of us is called to do in our intimate relationships, in our friendships and within our communities. They challenge us to question when we make excuses, how much we speak and if and when we lead or follow. They challenge us to be more like Tissue.
The Jewish theologian Martin Buber recounts the story of the Hasidic Rabbi Zusya, of the late 1700s, who before his death said, “In the coming world, they will not ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me: ‘Why were you not Zusya?”
All Moses needed to do was be Moses. All each of us need to do is be the best person we can be, responding to the challenges around us with the unique gifts we have been given. The lesson in Sh’mot is that the ability and the responsibility to change the world lies within each of us.
Great or small, our actions do make a difference. It’s about hearing the call and showing up. Just say .הינני Here I am. I am present. I am listening. I am witnessing this moment.
What I am to be I am now becoming and I know that God is with me and I know that everywhere we stand is holy ground.
Amen.